Wednesday, January 24, 2007

Denise leaves

Wednesday, 24-01-07

Thank you for this beautiful experience of brothers and sisters living to love Jesus and love the brethren. May by God's Grace I will learn more to be others centred and reflect more and make a decision on how to best please God by the lifestyle I choose to take.
May the Lord bless you with peace and joy and with all your needs.

Lots of love

Sunday, January 21, 2007

Waiting with a heavy heart in Portsmouth

I've got an hour to wait before boarding and I'm trying to post in an Internet kiosk using a sticky keyboard and an unfamiliar layout.

Just a year ago I was leaving Lilly at Roissy to go to Bryan's; now I've left her at Peggy's under very different circumstances but with just as heavy a heart. Heavenly Father speak to her and comfort her and deliver her from what is opressing her, please, in Jesus' name.

It's almost more than I can bear to even think about the time we spent together yesterday and today. I am the child, ignorant, naive, and not much help. What can I do? Heal us, O Lord, and grant us your light and mercy and love. Bring us all together as one, I pray, and help us this year to see your will for us in this world.

Tuesday, January 16, 2007

The Jesus Army

I really want to go over the water and investigate what the Jesus Army are up to. I find it so hard to be able to feel their spirit through the Internet. I've been on their forum for a few months now and have met few Christians there. Some nice people and a lot of very worldly people but so very few who seem to be touched by God.

I hardly know how to put this because I'm such a case myself, but I see that I would have gotten along much better if I hadn't used my real picture as my avatar. It instantly identifies me as belonging to the enemy class, and then as soon as I open my mouth, my fate is sealed: I'm a man, what's more, a white man, an old white man, an old Christian white man, an old married Christian white man, an old married Christian white man with seven children, an old married Christian white man with seven children who all love Jesus.

Tuesday thoughts...

Tuesday morning, 9:30 am. Nurse just left after coming for Grandma and Nat for blood tests. Bardy's boys are working downstairs laying out the rails before drywalling the new bedrooms. I've already seen M Metais who looked over everything and we decided on the kind of bathroom we'd need. As he left he commented to the other workers that the rumpus room is almost as big as a normal house. God has seen fit to bless us beyond anything we would ever have asked.

Dolly has just left my office, after having come for prayer for herself; she feels unsettled and a bit fearful, but all in all she has a much quieter spirit than she's had over the past year. This is a very good thing.

I prayed the Lord would grant her peace -- his peace that passes all understanding. I asked that his peace would be shown to her and that it would surpass her understanding. Amen!

Monday, January 08, 2007

To siblings and cousins on New Year's

Here is a photo and a "no news is good news" status report for you.

Talked to Aunty last night again and she is well and much more autonomous these days. She's planning to get permission to get out this week to go see about getting her glasses changed as she's having difficulty with her present ones.

The place she is now is called "Broadwaters" and it's sort of a half-way-home house where a lot is still done for her, but more and more is expected of the residents, and exercise and walks are undertaken in order to prepare them to end an extended hospital stay.

The normal expected length of stay there is about 6 weeks; she's been there only one, at the moment.

Don't be surprised if you can't seem to get through on the phone; it's the craziest system I've ever seen. It's often out of order and the rest of the time just rings itself silly for 10 or 15 minutes.

But it's all we've got, and sometimes it works (the head nurse told me the regular phone is "out for repair" whatever that means -- I didn't know you could still repair phones; I thought you had to replace them! :-) )

So here's a pic we took a couple of weeks ago while she was still at Christchurch. Her arm is still in a sling here but not any more -- the swelling has gone down considerably since then.

Much love to you all,

Tuesday, January 02, 2007

Down on new year's day ...

I had a good talk with Lilly last night and it went very well. But it sparked off a lot of inner feelings of my own that I can't shake all day.

Lilly blames her mother but her mother is what I am because I married a child and we created our life together. In the end, I'm the one to blame for whatever doesn't work out -- including our whole operation and what we're doing here.

Sometimes I wonder if I have put a burden on my kids and that they are destined to live as I did and be despised and rejected as I was all my life. They are all smart and savvy and above all, they are all idealists, as I always was.

Idealists are naive, idealists never really grow up; they're always out-of-place in a crowd, never laughing at the right things, never knowing when to smile, when to frown, always wondering when the party will be over.

I'm happy, in a grateful kind of way. I'm at peace, in a quiet kind of way. But I wonder if I will ever really know that I did the right thing.

Then I come back to what I've always known; I am what I am because I can't be otherwise.